Mother's Day!!

I am going through a journey of emotions..
What a day it is today..that has made me walk through this road of meeting such emotions,
I am only looking at mysef as an outsider and watching the flow of it very closely.
Gladness, departure, sympathy, love, despise, inacceptance and it goes on...
That which is pre-dominantly hovering is Sympathy.
Sympathy towards my grand ma..Let me remind myself, she is the lady who is equally responsible as my Mother in making me what I am...Strong willed, GOD fearing, responsible, caring, loving, possessive, stubborn and above all independant!
I always appreciated her for all these things and specially her cooking and the way she always kept herself busy in many chores..
I mentioned that she is a strong willed woman for the reason that she surrendered herself to the Almighty and went through the pain of cancer and still silently obeyed the will of the LORD and yes she survived..Not very long ago, the deadly traces of the disease sprang up and again..the same miracle she went through..Always trusting in GOD this woman, never complained of any sickness in any season throughout the year and wow..what a blessing she is to all of us in the family!

Today I go through all those memories of this great woman of my life as we step into yet another Mother's day!
A mother, a woman, a blessing, an epitomy of love and sympathy..
Today I display a gist of the same sympathy towards her..This is out of the overflow of my heart and the love that's exploding into these words..
As any other day and as my practise I missed my call from my brother Sam, he calls me again later the day and there is a nuance in his tone today.."Amulakka, why dont you take the calls on time? I have something to tell you!" I knew this is something serious by now "Jeji (Grand ma) has got a fracture in her right shoulder, It just happend in front of me, she rose from her sleep and complained that the bone is broken and said that she heard the sound of it! I took her to the Doc and the X-ray says that is cannot be fixed..It is clearly visible that the bone is dislocated.."
At such a grand age..my Jeji is going though this pain and again she wants be independant in this state too..
I remember the line of Christ saying on the cross, "My GOD my GOD why have you forsaken me?"..
It is true that I cannot take her pain or give her any relief through my words..It is understood that she has to go through this pain all by herself..I cant accept that..I miss seeing her, I despise the fact that I cant do anything about it..
It is clear am a mere human and I dont have any super power to change the circumstance..but why cant I accept it? It is love that makes me like that..It is the memory of hers thats reminding me of her over and again.. I am deeply hurt, and cannot explain what is it I want!
It is this mixed emotion I take along with myself to bed tonight..although i know the fact that I cant share this with my better half (as he is not in town)! I say a prayer to the LORD in my silence that he revives my heart and comforts my Jeji..
Staying so away from her, my heart goes out to her in love! I want a moment to grab from my memories, and go sleep next to her say my night prayer that she taught me to say before bed..
If there is a tommorow I want to listen to her voice and just cry in silence and say "Happy Mother's day Mummy" and thank GOD for the life!! Life in its fullest..